“I Went on a Date With an Instagram Model — I Thought She Was an Escort”

Look, I’m just a regular guy. I work in IT, I recycle (mostly), and I once got a “nice shirt” compliment from a barista that I still think about to this day. I am not what you’d call “smooth.” So when a verified Instagram model with 200k followers replied to my DM with “Sure, I’m down 👀”, I assumed it was a prank or a cryptocurrency scam.

But she was real.
Her name was Lana, and her Instagram looked like a Vogue editorial mixed with a Red Bull ad.
Think: flowing hair, yachts, sponsored protein shakes, and captions like “Be the CEO your parents warned you about.”

Still, she agreed to dinner.
And that’s when things got… confusing.

🥂 The Setup

I picked a decent place — not too fancy, not fast food. Just upscale enough that the menus had “market price” listed and the chairs didn’t wobble.

She walked in wearing heels that looked like they cost more than my entire couch. She was stunning, poised, and so confident that I immediately forgot my own name. She greeted me with:

“Hey babe.”

Babe?
On the first date?
I didn’t know if I was flattered or if we had skipped ahead to some kind of VIP roleplay.

Then came the first curveball.

She looked at the menu and said,

“Oh good, no prices. That’s how I know this is real.”

NO PRICES?
I broke out in hives.

💸 The Confusion Sets In

Throughout the meal, she kept saying things like:

• “You’re cute. Most of my clients are boring.”
• “I usually don’t do dinners. I charge by the hour.”

I started sweating so hard, the waiter brought me water without asking.

I was sitting across from a woman so hot, she had a fan club in her Instagram comments — and she kept dropping lines like she was invoicing me.

So I did what any reasonable man would do:
I panicked internally and tried to math out how much money was currently in my checking account.

When the check came, I instinctively asked,

“So… do I Venmo you, or…?”

She looked at me, tilted her head like a confused puppy, and said:

“Wait… you think I’m an escort? Babe, I’m a brand ambassador for collagen gummies.”