I Brought My Date to a Wedding — He Brought a Ferret Viral Dating Story

Let me start by saying, I love animals. I really do. But I did not expect to meet one in formalwear at my cousin’s wedding.

I met Ethan on Bumble. He was tall, charming, and used punctuation — which, frankly, felt like husband material. We exchanged a few great conversations and bonded over mutual hatred for cold soup and slow walkers. So when I needed a last-minute plus-one to my cousin’s semi-fancy backyard wedding, I figured why not ask?

He said yes. But he also asked:

“Mind if I bring my plus-one too?”

I thought it was a joke. I said, “Sure,” because I assumed he meant, like, vibes or an appetite.

Spoiler: He meant a ferret.

💒 The Wedding

The venue was beautiful. Lights strung in the trees, rustic wood chairs, one of those Pinterest-perfect cake tables.

Then Ethan shows up. In a tux. Looking amazing.

With a ferret in a bowtie. Tucked under his arm. Like a clutch purse. He introduces it like it’s part of the family:

“This is Mr. Bubbles. He gets separation anxiety.”

I thought I was being pranked.
I looked around for hidden cameras.

Nope. Just me. My date. And a ferret that looked like it could steal your fries and your credit card info.

🐾 The Ferret Fiasco

Mr. Bubbles was relatively chill during the ceremony. He peeked out of Ethan’s inner jacket pocket like a suspicious little scarf. People whispered, kids giggled, my aunt gave me the “we need to talk” look.

At dinner, things escalated.

Mr. Bubbles escaped.

He launched off Ethan’s shoulder, ran across a table, dove into someone’s purse, and emerged with a rogue dinner roll in his mouth like he just pulled off a bakery heist.

People screamed. Someone spilled wine on the maid of honor. The bride cried. The officiant tried to trap him under a salad bowl.

Meanwhile, Ethan calmly said,

“He’s just exploring. He’ll come back.”

💔 The Aftermath

The bride’s mom gave a speech about love and commitment while a groomsman chased Mr. Bubbles under the dessert table with a flip-flop.

I made Ethan Uber home — alone — with the ferret and a half-eaten breadstick.

And yes, I told this story to every dating app match I’ve had since.

Because nothing says don’t ghost me like a warning that I have been emotionally scarred by a ferret in formalwear.

🐾 Final Thoughts:

If your date ever says, “Mind if I bring a plus-one?” — ask a follow-up question.

Because sometimes, that plus-one has claws, whiskers, and a criminal record.